Jul1

Where Is All This Anger Coming From?

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Where Is All This Anger Coming From?

Since the 2016 presidential election, shit has been hard for some of us. For the rest of us, shit has been hard for a while. ~ Lama Rod Owen, Love and Rage: The Path of Liberation through Anger

Flying north to New York the night of Election Day 2016, I watched with dawning horror as the results shown on the seatback TV screen gradually confirmed that Donald Trump was going to be the next president of the United States. A numbness spread through my brain and down into my body. The only thing I could feel was nausea.

Never had I been so scared in my life. Not even close. I was terrified of what he would do in the White House. Four years later, I realize that what damage I imagined he could do was minuscule compared to the things he actually has done. This year alone – with his responses (or lack thereof) to the coronavirus and the roar of protestors against racism and police brutality – far exceeds any nightmare my febrile brain could have cooked up in November 2016.

Fear is not the only emotion I have felt since then. There has been much anger as well. I felt anger toward Trump. Toward his enablers. Toward his supporters. Toward Fox News and the other right-wing media. Toward the police that commit violence against people of color. So much anger that it began to ooze out of my pores, giving off a scent that I imagine made me unpleasant to be around.

That feels foreign to me so many years after I began to practice meditation and mindfulness and took the first steps on the path toward Buddhism. I had learned to contemplate feelings of anger with equanimity and curiosity as to their source, and to not treat them as inherently bad. One of the primary benefits of that practice is that I rarely act in anger. The periodic outbursts that characterized the first 30 or so years of my life were virtually nonexistent. The barely controlled rage that turned my face red and made my skin feel like it was burning was a feeling I hardly recalled.

This year, though…oh man. It’s not that I’m ranting and raving. There are no viral videos of me losing my shit. But it is taking a lot more work in my practice to cope with the anger I am feeling these days. I am not certain that I fully understand why I have felt so much anger. It is too simple to pin it on Trump’s actions (and inactions), or on the more than 120,000 deaths from COVID-19, or on the tragic deaths of so many Black people at the hands of those charged with protecting them. Those things mostly make me feel profound sadness.

I have a sense that at least some of the anger I feel is borne of fear. Fear for my health. Fear for the lives of my older family members and friends. Fear for the lives of my Black friends and my mixed-race nephews and niece. Fear that the society, government, and planet I am leaving to my daughter are irreparably damaged, that I have failed to set her up for an adult life that is at least a notch better than mine.

The anger may be a response to those fears, like my body is trying to change the channel to a less-discomfiting emotion. The emotion may be different but the physical and psychological response to anger has felt every bit as unpleasant – more unpleasant, really – than the fear.

Truth is, I’m not sure. I have much more work to do to figure it out and process it healthfully. I am hoping that Lama Rod Owen’s new book, Love and Rage, will help. His other book that I’ve read, Radical Dharma, overwhelmed me, but in a good way. He and his co-authors taught me things in that book that simultaneously felt completely foreign and absolutely true. I feel a kinship to him, different as we are in so many ways, but linked by sharing a connection to Lama Norlha Rinpoche, with whom I first took refuge in the Three Jewels.

I also hope that Lama Rod’s book will help me to better understand the anger and fear and other emotions experienced by Black people, indigenous people, and other people of color. My fear and anger have been nearly debilitating, despite my many advantages as a white male, despite the minuscule chance that I will be the victim of police brutality. What must they be feeling? I imagine it is a magnitude several factors greater than anything I’m feeling. And I have little conception of what that must be like.

Will you join me in trying to understand, to educate ourselves, to make amends and advance the process of making things right? Commit with me to learn how we’ve contributed to the unjust society we live in, no matter how uncomfortable or shameful it feels. Commit with me to act on what we learn.

Mar25

Overwhelmed and Under Water

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Overwhelmed and Under Water

A little earlier today, I experienced a moment – really, it was no longer than a minute – during which I thought of about 15 things that I need to do sooner rather than later. That unbidden to-do list was followed by a wave of despair: “How would I ever get all of it done? I just can handle it all. Maybe I should just quit.”

And just like a snap of the fingers, it was gone. But the damage was done. I was feeling panicked – it felt like my neck was on fire, I was nauseated, and the seat felt unsteady below me. The specific symptoms we experience when anxious or panicky may vary but most of us are familiar with that underlying dread that our situation is hopeless.

The rest of my day – during which I had intended to get a lot done, like finishing grading papers and making more progress on my tax returns – was imperiled. I had thought about quitting. Quitting what, exactly? My job, paying taxes, living? Thinking about that made me laugh a little too loudly for someone sitting at a corner table at Starbucks.

So, what did I do? I focused first and foremost on getting my breathing under control. At this point, the entire episode had lasted just a few minutes, but I was close to hyperventilating the whole time. I closed my eyes, rested my hands in my lap and unclenched them, and slowed my breathing bit by bit. Inhaling more slowly and deeply, exhaling more slowly and completely. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Until it felt natural.

That freak-out of a to-do list was waiting for me but I had the benefit of some semblance of calm to consider it more rationally. It was a long list, to be certain, full of things that need to be done sooner rather than later. But not right this minute, not in this moment, not all of them, not even all of one of them. 

Taking a mindful approach to life, living in each successive moment, we can observe a daunting task and recognize without judgment that it will take a while to accomplish, that we cannot bite it all off in one chew, and that that does not make us insufficient or incapable. The task is what it is, and we are what we are.

I personally find that a task performed mindfully finishes more quickly than expected. Or that the time spent did not seem as long. It doesn’t really matter which. The likely outcome is better than if it had been achieved with much angst and drama. Certainly, we feel better afterward, and in suitable condition to move onto the next task, if need be.

Of course, the other thing I did to cope with that moment of panic was to blog about it. (For better or worse, this post is the product. Hope it’s better.) Blogging is not necessary, but it’s important to pause and look at what we just experienced in those moments of anxiety. Our impulse is to move along as quickly as possible and leave the wreckage in the rearview mirror, but that doesn’t really benefit us in any way. It is insufficient to deal with the present moment’s disturbance, and doesn’t help us to cope with future incidents.

We should take a moment, once our breath has returned to normal, to think about what just happened and why. What triggered it? Why did that list scroll through my brain at that particular moment? I’m not certain, even after having taken the time to write this post. But I’m open to finding out, so I can move on for now without knowing the answer, because I feel like I can handle it when it arrives and I don’t need to dwell on it in the interim.

Thanks for hanging with my while I re-centered myself and reestablished balance and mindfulness.

Jan14

What is journaling?

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What is journaling?

The simplest answer is, “Whatever  you want it to be.” I have found that journaling is a lot like meditation: There is no single way of journaling that is right for everyone; to the contrary, journaling is whatever form of routine writing that supports us.

In the same way that meditation is not limited to sitting with our legs crossed and our eyes closed, journaling is not limited to whatever particular practice that one calls “journaling.” The walking meditation espoused by Thich Nhat Hanh and others, for instance, is a perfectly acceptable alternative to sitting on a cushion if it is the form of meditation that supports our health – mental, physical, spiritual, emotional… The form is not important, but rather the intention of centering ourselves and tapping into our awareness of what is going on inside us and around us.

Likewise, there are countless types of journaling that are beneficial, not just keeping a diary. We can write page upon page of detailed reminiscences of our day’s thoughts and activities, or we can jot down a few words that have been swirling around our brains. We can make a list of things we are grateful for, or sketch out a goal for the day, week, or month. Any of those and many other forms of journaling are perfectly acceptable alternatives if they are the form of journaling that supports our health – mental, physical, spiritual, emotional… The key is, again, not the form, but rather the intention of paying attention to our thoughts and actions by giving them even the relatively tiny bit of attention and time necessary to write them down.

Journaling of that sort is a type of mindfulness practice.

Best of all, we don’t have to practice just one form of meditation or one form of journaling. On any given day, we can pursue the form that we feel we need at that time. It is a healthy thing to regularly think about what we have in our lives to be grateful for, but it may not be the type of journaling that we most need on a particular day.

Remember that we cannot pick incorrectly when it comes to journaling, meditation, and other mindfulness practices. Any one of them can benefit us.

Oct27

Treating thoughts with compassion

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Treating thoughts with compassion

It is perfectly normal, while meditating, for stray thoughts to arise in one’s mind. This is NOT a sign that we’re failing at meditation – I’ve been meditating for 30 years and thoughts pop up almost every time. Whatever you do, don’t give up meditating because your brain continues to function while you’re meditating. Here are some ideas for dealing with thoughts that you might consider.

  1. Don’t fight the thoughts when they arise, or try to stamp them down. Fighting them means you’re focusing on them rather than on what you want your meditation to be about.
  2. Instead, treat those thoughts with compassion. Recognize that they are normal, not signs of bad meditating (as if there were such a thing). And don’t beat yourself up for having them.
  3. Come up with a mental exercise for gently setting the thoughts aside for later. Personally, I imagine the subject of the thought as having been written down on a sheet of paper; I place the paper on top of a neat pile of other thoughts and carefully place a paperweight on top of them. As each new thought arises, I repeat the visualization of neatly placing the paper on top of the pile and replacing the paperweight.
  4. When you’re done meditating, mentally return to those thoughts (that’s why I use the paperweight, so they don’t blow away before I can consider them). I sift through those pages I set aside and ask myself whether they are things that I need to think about more or act upon. If I don’t remember all of them (I never do), it probably means the thought was not important or urgent; it it is either, it’ll come back later, no doubt.
  5. If a particular thought is insistent, perhaps you need to pause your meditation momentarily to consider it more closely. Why is this thought coming up now, and why won’t it stop? Again, treat the thought compassionately, not as an enemy. Your mind may be telling you there’s something important you need to know or deal with. After giving the thought some attention, you may then be able to put it aside until your meditation time is over.
Mar31

Meditation When We Most Need It

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Meditation When We Most Need It

Imagine someone who will take aspirin for a mild headache but, when they get a really bad headache, decides not to take the aspirin.

That’s what we do sometimes with meditation when we are under great stress or feeling unhappy or not feeling well. At the moment when we most need meditation, when mindfulness would be most valuable to us, we decide not to practice them. We don’t have time, or we don’t feel like it, or it doesn’t seem like they’re helping us.

I almost never say someone has to do this thing or must do that thing. But this is one instance in which I insist that you push through the resistance and practice meditation and mindfulness anyway, because I know that the payoff will be worth it. Stress is reduced, or we are better able to deal with it. Spirits are lifted, or we realize that it’s normal and okay to feel down sometimes. The psychological burden of “being sick” dissipates, and we recover more quickly.

So, try hardest to meditate at those times when the resistance to meditating is greatest. And take an aspirin when you’ve got a headache – we suffer enough without enduring maladies that are easily resolved.

Feb13

Meditation and Mindfulness Continue to Spread

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Meditation and Mindfulness Continue to Spread

Following up on my recent post about mindfulness and meditation in schools, here are some more stories to document their continued spreading through the educational system.

Mindfulness in Hamilton County schools: A significant step toward creating a wiser generation

Hamilton County School System literacy coach Jennifer Knowles followed the signs: a conversation about yoga, another about a mindfulness app, reconnecting with an old friend and a personal desire to more fully experience the present moment. It all led her to a new “secret passion” of teaching mindfulness at a couple of local public schools.

Smiling minds at Sebastopol Primary

Sebastopol Primary School pupils all have Smiling Minds this year. Every day, between lunch and maths classes, all the pupils and teachers spend six minutes doing mindfulness exercises via the popular Smiling Minds app. Stretched out on the classroom floor, the pupils do deep breathing and relaxation exercises which principal Michelle Wilson said promoted clearer thinking and calmer playground conflict resolution.

Health Watch: Mindfulness in the classroom

Mindfulness and meditation techniques are being used in schools across the country. A recent study by the University of California-Davis and the non-profit organization, Mindful Schools, shows mindfulness triples students’ ability to focus and participate in class activities. It’s not a big deal to see fourth graders meditating and kindergarteners practicing mindful breathing at a mindful elementary school. Every class here has students doing the same thing. Heidi Palmiero-Potter, a 4th Grade Teacher at Harris Hill Elementary School in Buffalo, New York admits students, “They’re less impulsive with each other, they think about their words before they speak so it definitely spills to into the daily routines.”

Mindfulness@Umich is a program that is available to all University of Michigan students, faculty, and staff. The sessions are 30 minutes long, flexible, and free. 
The sessions are led by a group of students and staff who have received training to lead the 30 minute sessions. They also have personal practices.The meditations are guided (which means there will be speaking throughout the meditation) and they last for 25 minutes. We typically sit in chairs. We often end the practice with a short metta or gratitude meditation. At the very end of the session, we’ll spend a few minutes talking about issues that may have arisen in your meditation, recent research, or ways to practice outside of the session.

Here’s how you can inspire your children to meditate

These days, children engage in a variety of things. Besides studies, kids are also into a number of other extracurricular activities and this leaves them with little or no time to relax and play. In order to help children to cope with the mounting pressures of being in a competitive world, parents must inspire them to meditate. Meditation has healing qualities both mentally and physically. If the habit of regular meditation is inculcated in children, then they evolve better and this helps them in the long run too.

Practicing mindfulness in the classroom at Northeastern University

On Monday, students buzzed into C. Sara L. Minard’s “Impact Investing and Social Finance” class and chatted animatedly about the Super Bowl the night before, or opened their laptops to dash off an email, or scrolled through their smartphones. It was a scene perhaps familiar to anyone who’s spent time in a university classroom. But then something different happened. Minard, executive professor in the D’Amore-McKim School of Business, quietly raised her hand to signal the attention of her class and said in a conversational tone, “Let’s anchor ourselves. Feel your feet rooted into the earth, feel your wing bones on the back of your chair, and we’ll start when you hear the gong.” Her class, noisy and active a moment earlier, fell quiet, as students closed their eyes and breathed deeply. A gong sounded quietly from Minard’s phone, thus beginning the five minutes of mindfulness that Minard leads at the start of each of her classes.

 

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Feb3

Meditation in Elementary, Secondary, and Higher Education

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Meditation in Elementary, Secondary, and Higher Education

Meditation and mindfulness belong in schools, period. Just like we teach kids to tie their shoes, wipe their noses, and brush their teeth after every meal, we should be teaching them about starting their day mindfully and carrying that spirit with them throughout the day.

So I continue to be encouraged as I read about new programs that school districts, individual schools, communities, and colleges and universities are initiating to teach their students how to benefit from meditation and mindfulness. Here is just a sample of what I have seen recently:

A look inside the John Main Center for Meditation and Interreligious Dialogue

“For many Georgetown students, busy schedules and marked-up planners are the norm. With such a fast-paced college culture, multitasking has become a necessity. Such a strong emphasis on activity leaves little room for contemplation. The John Main Center for Meditation and Interreligious Dialogue, however, provides a space for reflection. Aiming to promote mindfulness and meditation on campus, the center is a source of support for many students regardless of their faith or background.”

Meditation retreats offered affordably for students

“Jill Klimpel, an academic advisor for the Ohio State Departments of Political Science and Geography, strives to help students beyond their academics. Klimpel has spent the last two years working to bring affordable meditation classes to all students on campus through the Art of Living Foundation.”

Schools experimenting with meditation as an alternative to detention

“What if every time a kid acted out, he got sent to take some deep breaths, instead of detention? Well a program in Baltimore has been trying that out for the past few years, with good results. The school’s suspension rate has dropped — to zero.”

Brighton Grammar boys engage in daily mindfulness and wellness training

“Boys as young as three are engaged in daily mindfulness and wellness training at Brighton Grammar. A few times each day the boys stop classes and take some time to meditate, do yoga or listen to music.”

Chill out: Sudbury college creates mindfulness room

“Cameron Sanders sits on a bright blue bean bag chair at school. The first-year graphic design student at Cambrian College is relaxed, scrolling through his phone and waiting for this three-hour spare to be over. He’s not at home, but in a room called the Zen Den.”

 

Jan21

A Love Letter to the Marchers

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A Love Letter to the Marchers

I believe that I have successfully avoided touching upon politics in this blog, mostly by not posting. I was finding it difficult to communicate what I was feeling. I’m not saying this as a prelude to ending the streak, just fair warning that what I am about to say is not intended to be a political statement. It is intended to be a statement of love, because at this very moment, my heart is overflowing.

 

Dear Marchers,

I love you. There, I’ve said it. I’m hopelessly in love with each and every one of you.

Although some of you are friends and acquaintances, I realize most of you have no clue who I am. And I don’t care at all. It changes how I feel not one tiny bit. I fell in love with you the moment I laid eyes on your protest signs and pink hats.

As I was scrolling through Facebook and seeing pictures of you, your families, your friends, total strangers, participating in the many women’s marches around the country, an amazing catharsis occurred. I was smiling from ear to ear, and laughing so hard at some of the slogans on your signs that I’m fairly certain I cracked a rib. Simultaneously, tears were streaming down my face. I mean, the Niagara Falls of sobbing, folks, no mere sniffle.

Why? Because you overwhelmed me with love and joy. And hope. Most especially, hope.

You see, in the wake of the election, I was emotionally spent and on the verge of losing hope. What you did today renews my hope for our future. You have restored my faith in the people of this country.

Your power and brilliance washed over me like a fire, burning away the pain, anger, fear, despair, and negativity that has clung to my soul for the past 10 weeks. Your shining faces, the countless images of arms entwined in solidarity, the diversity of your companions, have healed my broken heart.

So, now I kind of have a major thing for you, and I know it’s not just infatuation. This is the real thing — love!

I’m going to show you how much I love you by trying to live every day with the fearlessness, strength, compassion, and righteous indignation that you demonstrated today. That way, you’ll fall in love with me, too.

Thank you from the depths of my being. With all of my love and devotion,

Dean

Jan18

Meditation Is What Works for You

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Meditation Is What Works for You
Our natural state as beings is centeredness and balance. The many stimuli we encounter in a typical day of living threaten to push us off center and throw us off balance.
 
Meditation and mindfulness are tools for restoring and maintaining a centered and balanced life. Whether we realize it or not, we yearn to be restored to centeredness and balance.
 
So when I hear someone say that meditation just isn’t for them, it sounds as if they are saying they do not want to be centered and balanced. Whatever habits and routines support centering and balance in our lives, those are the components of our meditation and mindfulness practice.
 
For some people, it involves sitting on a cushion with their legs crossed and their eyes closed. For others, it is walking through the woods, or coloring, or riding a playground swing, or a million other activities. Sometimes, there are several activities that may work for us.
 
The point is, meditation and mindfulness practice consists of whatever activities center and balance you. The trick is to figure out what those activities are that work best for you. There is no right way to meditate—there is only the right way for you.
Sep19

Mindfulness, Meditation, and Tech

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I am apt to agree with those who believe that a lot of the technology that we have access to these days directly feed the human inclination for mindlessness. That being said, I do enjoy a bit of mindlessness most days by playing card games on my phone. Like most things, mindlessness is not harmful in moderation.

In a similar vein, it would be an overstatement to say that technology is inherently bad for living a mindful, meditative life. Increasingly, I am seeing the development of apps intended to be a support to practicing mindfulness and meditation. This blog post shares a handful that I have seen recently, beginning with the new operating system for the Apple Watch.

Apple Watch Series 2 review: Water-resistance feature, mindfulness app, built-in GPS working great – the original reminds you to get up and move around; the update reminds you to take time to breathe.

This appears to be the approach that many of the apps are taking – that of the alarm clock that reminds you to be mindful, to breathe, to spend some time quietly. Many of us have found ways to do this without an app – setting the alarms on our phones and watches to go off periodically, wearing a red rubber band on our wrists, or putting visual cues where we are like to encounter them (for many years I have had a piece of paper tacked to my office wall, simply saying, “Breathe” – simple, but effective). So, if you can find an app that makes it easier to establish a routine and you don’t have to pay for it (certainly not true in the case of the Apple Watch), why not give them a try?

See also: Can an app help us find mindfulness in today’s busy high-tech world?

The Best Health & Fitness Apps for the New Apple Watch Update

The buddhify app can help you to meditate on a busy schedule – not a free app, but one that I have found personally useful for integrating meditation throughout my busy daily schedule. That is another clear objective of many of the apps – helping you shoehorn your practice into your life. I like to call that seeding: if you continually sprinkle mindfulness and meditation throughout your day, it eventually takes root and becomes an integral part of your day.

Beyond Movement: The New Wave of Wearables Track Mindfulness

3-Minute Mindfulness App

Mindfulness App

Pocket Yoga App

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